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title: Boulder Therapist .com therapy counseling counselor psychotherapist psychotherapy psychotherapists in Boulder Colorado

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keywords: Boulder therapist, Boulder therapists, Boulder psychotherapist, marriage counseling, marital counseling, Boulder counselors, couples counseling, counselor, find a therapist, affair, anger management, anxiety, Barry Erdman, bereavement, bipolar, Boulder, BoulderTherapist, Boulder psychotherapists, buddhism, buddhist, clinical, clinical hypnosis, clinical hypnotherapy, coach, coaching, Colorado, communication, consultant, consultation, counseling, counselors, death, depressed, depression, divorce, EMDR, existential, family, family therapy, family therapist, find a counselor, Gay HIV AIDS, grief, help, homophobia, hypnosis, hypnotist, hypnotherapy, hypnotherapist, insight, internet porn counseling, intimacy, LCSW, loneliness, loss, low self worth, marriage, meditation, men's issues, mental health, mental health humor, NLP, parenting, partners of survivors, post traumatic stress disorder, psych humor, psychiatrist, psychiatrists, psychiatry, psychologist, psychologists, psychology, Psychology Today, psychotherapist, psychotherapist guild, psychotherapists, psychotherapy, psychotherapy guild, PTSD, sex addiction, sexual problem dysfunction, sexuality, smoking cessation, social work, social workers, stress, stress management, supervision, supervisor, teens, therapist, therapist directory, therapists, therapy, therapy directory, transpersonal

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The word "happiness" would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness.

When an inner situation is not made conscious, it appears outside as fate.

Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.

There is no coming to consciousness without pain.

We cannot change anything until we accept it. Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses.

We deem those happy who from the experience of life have learnt to bear its ills without being overcome by them.

The pendulum of the mind alternates between sense and nonsense, not between right and wrong.

The shoe that fits one person pinches another; there is no recipe for living that suits all cases.

Healthy children will not fear life if their elders have integrity enough not to fear death.

Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. It is far better take things as they come along with patience and equanimity.

Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol or morphine or idealism.

Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.

I could not say I believe. I know! I have had the experience of being gripped by something that is stronger than myself, something that people call God.

If there is anything we wish to change in the child, we should first examine it and see whether it is not something that could better be changed in ourselves.

It all depends on how we look at things, and not how they are in themselves.

Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darknesses of other people.

Knowledge rests not upon truth alone, but upon error also.

Man's task is to become conscious of the contents that press upward from the unconscious.

Resistance to the organized mass can be effected only by the man who is as well organized in his individuality as the mass itself.

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.

Shrinking away from death is something unhealthy and abnormal which robs the second half of life of its purpose.

Sometimes, indeed, there is such a discrepancy between the genius and his human qualities that one has to ask oneself whether a little less talent might not have been better.

The brain is viewed as an appendage of the genital glands.

The creation of something new is not accomplished by the intellect but by the play instinct acting from inner necessity. The creative mind plays with the objects it loves.

The least of things with a meaning is worth more in life than the greatest of things without it.

The man who promises everything is sure to fulfill nothing, and everyone who promises too much is in danger of using evil means in order to carry out his promises, and is already on the road to perdition.

The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.

The most intense conflicts, if overcome, leave behind a sense of security and calm that is not easily disturbed. It is just these intense conflicts and their conflagration which are needed to produce valuable and lasting results.

It is always easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.

The chief danger in life is that you may take too many precautions.

The only normal people are the one's you don't know very well.

There is a law that man should love his neighbor as himself. In a few hundred years it should be as natural to mankind as breathing or the upright gait; but if he does not learn it he must perish.

A loser doesn't know what he'll do if he loses, but talks about what he'll do if he wins, and a winner doesn't talk about what he'll do if he wins, but knows what he'll do if he loses.

The moment a little boy is concerned with which is a jay and which is a sparrow, he can no longer see the birds or hear them sing.

The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny.

An expert is someone who has succeeded in making decisions and judgements simpler through knowing what to pay attention to and what to ignore.

An idea that is developed and put into action is more important than an idea that exists only as an idea.

Dealing with complexity is an inefficient and unnecessary waste of time, attention and mental energy. There is never any justification for things being complex when they could be simple.

If you wait for opportunities to occur, you will be one of the crowd.

In the future, instead of striving to be right at a high cost, it will be more appropriate to be flexible and plural at a lower cost. If you cannot accurately predict the future then you must flexibly be prepared to deal with various possible futures.

It has always surprised me how little attention philosophers have paid to humor, since it is a more significant process of mind than reason. Reason can only sort out perceptions, but the humor process is involved in changing them.

Most of the mistakes in thinking are inadequacies of perception rather than mistakes of logic.

One very important aspect of motivation is the willingness to stop and to look at things that no one else has bothered to look at. This simple process of focusing on things that are normally taken for granted is a powerful source of creativity.

Sometimes the situation is only a problem because it is looked at in a certain way. Looked at in another way, the right course of action may be so obvious that the problem no longer exists.

The need to be right all the time is the biggest bar to new ideas. It is better to have enough ideas for some of them to be wrong than to be always right by having no ideas at all.

Feelings of worth can flourish only in an atmosphere where individual differences are appreciated, mistakes are tolerated, communication is open, and rules are flexible - the kind of atmosphere that is found in a nurturing family.

I believe the greatest gift I can conceive of having from anyone is to be seen by them, heard by them, to be understood and touched by them.

Life is not what it's supposed to be. It's what it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference.

Problems are not the problem; coping is the problem.

We can learn something new anytime we believe we can.

We must not allow other people's limited perceptions to define us.

We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth.

The impression forces itself upon one that men measure by false standards, that everyone seeks power, success, riches for himself, and admires others who attain them, while undervaluing the truly precious thing in life.

The liberty of the individual is no gift of civilization. It was greatest before there was any civilization.

We are never so defenseless against suffering as when we love.

We have long observed that every neurosis has the result, and therefore probably the purpose, of forcing the patient out of real life, of alienating him from actuality.

We must reckon with the possibility that something in the nature of the sexual instinct itself is unfavorable to the realization of complete satisfaction.

What a distressing contrast there is between the radiant intelligence of the child and the feeble mentality of the average adult.

The goal of all life is death.

Opposition is not necessarily enmity; it is merely misused and made an occasion for enmity.

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

The ego is not master in its own house.

The first human who hurled an insult instead of a stone was the founder of civilization.

Man has, as it were, become a kind of prosthetic God. When he puts on all his auxiliary organs, he is truly magnificent; but those organs have not grown on him and they still give him much trouble at times.

Men are more moral than they think and far more immoral than they can imagine.

Men are strong so long as they represent a strong idea they become powerless when they oppose it.

Most people do not really want freedom, because freedom involves responsibility, and most people are frightened of responsibility.

Neurosis is the inability to tolerate ambiguity.

Neurotics complain of their illness, but they make the most of it, and when it comes to talking it away from them they will defend it like a lioness her young.

Obviously one must hold oneself responsible for the evil impulses of one's dreams. In what other way can one deal with them? Unless the content of the dream rightly understood is inspired by alien spirits, it is part of my own being.

One is very crazy when in love.

Civilized society is perpetually menaced with disintegration through this primary hostility of men towards one another.

Every normal person, in fact, is only normal on the average. His ego approximates to that of the psychotic in some part or other and to a greater or lesser extent.

He does not believe that does not live according to his belief.

He that has eyes to see and ears to hear may convince himself that no mortal can keep a secret. If his lips are silent, he chatters with his fingertips; betrayal oozes out of him at every pore.

I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father's protection.

If youth knew; if age could.

Illusions commend themselves to us because they save us pain and allow us to enjoy pleasure instead. We must therefore accept it without complaint when they sometimes collide with a bit of reality against which they are dashed to pieces.

It is impossible to overlook the extent to which civilization is built upon a renunciation of instinct.

Love and work are the cornerstones of our humanness.

The story of the human race is the story of men and women selling themselves short.

The way to recover the meaning of life and the worthwhileness of life is to recover the power of experience, to have impulse voices from within, and to be able to hear these impulse voices from within-and make the point: This can be done.

We are not in a position in which we have nothing to work with. We already have capacities, talents, direction, missions, callings.

We fear to know the fearsome and unsavory aspects of ourselves, but we fear even more to know the godlike in ourselves.

What a man can be, he must be. This need we call self-actualization.

What is necessary to change a person is to change his awareness of himself.

When all you own is a hammer, every problem starts looking like a nail.

A truly creative person rids him or herself of all self-imposed limitations.

Forgiveness means letting go of the past.

I can have peace of mind only when I forgive rather than judge.

Inner peace can be reached only when we practice forgiveness. Forgiveness is letting go of the past, and is therefore the means for correcting our misperceptions.

Love is the total absence of fear. Love asks no questions. Its natural state is one of extension and expansion, not comparison and measurement.

Other people do not have to change for us to experience peace of mind.

Peace of mind comes from not wanting to change others.

The best way to navigate through life is to give up all of our controls.

When I am able to resist the temptation to judge others, I can see them as teachers of forgiveness in my life, reminding me that I can only have peace of mind when I forgive rather than judge.

You can be right or you can be happy.

A certain degree of neurosis is of inestimable value as a drive, especially to a psychologist.

A man should not strive to eliminate his complexes but to get into accord with them: they are legitimately what directs his conduct in the world.

Being entirely honest with oneself is a good exercise.

Children are completely egoistic; they feel their needs intensely and strive ruthlessly to satisfy them.

Civilization began the first time an angry person cast a word instead of a rock.

Civilization is a process in the service of Eros, whose purpose is to combine single human individuals, and after that families, then races, peoples and nations, into one great unity, the unity of mankind. Why this has to happen, we do not know; the work of Eros is precisely this.

People often say that this or that person has not yet found himself. But the self is not something one finds, it is something one creates.

Psychiatric expert testimony: mendacity masquerading as medicine.

Psychoanalysis is an attempt to examine a person's self-justifications. Hence it can be undertaken only with the patient's cooperation and can succeed only when the patient has something to gain by abandoning or modifying his system of self-justification.

Punishment is now unfashionable... because it creates moral distinctions among men, which, to the democratic mind, are odious. We prefer a meaningless collective guilt to a meaningful individual responsibility.

What progress we are making. In the Middle Ages they would have burned me. Now they are content with burning my books.

Whoever loves becomes humble. Those who love have, so to speak, pawned a part of their narcissism.

The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget.

There is no psychology; there is only biography and autobiography.

I believe that the testing of the student's achievements in order to see if he meets some criterion held by the teacher, is directly contrary to the implications of therapy for significant learning.

In a person who is open to experience, each stimulus is freely relayed through the nervous system, without being distorted by any process of defensiveness.

In my early professional years I was asking the question: How can I treat, cure, or change this person? Now I would phrase the question in this way: How can I provide a relationship which this person may use for his own personal growth?

The facts are always friendly, every bit of evidence one can acquire, in any area, leads one that much closer to what is true.

The good life is a process, not a state of being. It is a direction not a destination.

The only person who is educated is the one who has learned how to learn and change.

The relationship which I have found helpful is characterized by a sort of transparency on my part, in which my real feelings are evident; by an acceptance of this other person as a separate person with value in his own right; and by a deep empathic understanding which enables me to see his private world through his eyes.

The very essence of the creative is its novelty, and hence we have no standard by which to judge it.

When I look at the world I'm pessimistic, but when I look at people I am optimistic.

A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write, if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself.

But behavior in the human being is sometimes a defense, a way of concealing motives and thoughts, as language can be a way of hiding your thoughts and preventing communication.

Dispassionate objectivity is itself a passion, for the real and for the truth.

If I were dropped out of a plane into the ocean and told the nearest land was a thousand miles away, I'd still swim. And I'd despise the one who gave up.

If you love the truth, you'll trust it-that is, you will expect it to be good, beautiful, perfect, orderly, etc., in the long run, not necessarily in the short run.

If you plan on being anything less than you are capable of being, you will probably be unhappy all the days of your life.

One's only rival is one's own potentialities. One's only failure is failing to live up to one's own possibilities. In this sense, every man can be a king, and must therefore be treated like a king.

The ability to be in the present moment is a major component of mental wellness.

The fact is that people are good, Give people affection and security, and they will give affection and be secure in their feelings and their behavior.

The neurosis in which the search for safety takes its clearest form is in the compulsive-obsessive neurosis. Compulsive-obsessive to frantically order and stabilize the world so that no unmanageable, unexpected or unfamiliar dangers will ever appear.

Care is a state in which something does matter; it is the source of human tenderness.

Creativity is not merely the innocent spontaneity of our youth and childhood; it must also be married to the passion of the adult human being, which is a passion to live beyond one's death.

Depression is the inability to construct a future.

Freedom is man's capacity to take a hand in his own development. It is our capacity to mold ourselves.

Hate is not the opposite of love; apathy is.

If we admit our depression openly and freely, those around us get from it an experience of freedom rather than the depression itself.

If you do not express your own original ideas, if you do not listen to your own being, you will have betrayed yourself.

It is an ironic habit of human beings to run faster when we have lost our way.

It requires greater courage to preserve inner freedom, to move on in one's inward journey into new realms, than to stand defiantly for outer freedom. It is often easier to play the martyr, as it is to be rash in battle.

Joy, rather than happiness, is the goal of life, for joy is the emotion which accompanies our fulfilling our natures as human beings. It is based on the experience of one's identity as a being of worth and dignity.

Life comes from physical survival; but the good life comes from what we care about.

The relationship between commitment and doubt is by no means an antagonistic one. Commitment is healthiest when it's not without doubt but in spite of doubt.

Creative people who can't help but explore other mental territories are at greater risk, just as someone who climbs a mountain is more at risk than someone who just walks along a village lane.

Life is a sexually transmitted disease and the mortality rate is one hundred percent.

The range of what we think and do is limited by what we fail to notice. And because we fail to notice that we fail to notice, there is little we can do to change; until we notice how failing to notice shapes our thoughts and deeds.

We are effectively destroying ourselves by violence masquerading as love.

We live in a moment of history where change is so speeded up that we begin to see the present only when it is already disappearing.

A child becomes an adult when he realizes that he has a right not only to be right but also to be wrong.

A teacher should have maximal authority, and minimal power.

Addiction, obesity, starvation (anorexia nervosa) are political problems, not psychiatric: each condenses and expresses a contest between the individual and some other person or persons in his environment over the control of the individual's body.

Adulthood is the ever-shrinking period between childhood and old age. It is the apparent aim of modern industrial societies to reduce this period to a minimum.

Boredom is the feeling that everything is a waste of time; serenity, that nothing is.

Clear thinking requires courage rather than intelligence.

Doubt is to certainty as neurosis is to psychosis. The neurotic is in doubt and has fears about persons and things; the psychotic has convictions and makes claims about them. In short, the neurotic has problems, the psychotic has solutions.

Every act of conscious learning requires the willingness to suffer an injury to one's self-esteem. That is why young children, before they are aware of their own self-importance, learn so easily.

Formerly, when religion was strong and science weak, men mistook magic for medicine; now, when science is strong and religion weak, men mistake medicine for magic.

Happiness is an imaginary condition, formerly attributed by the living to the dead, now usually attributed by adults to children, and by children to adults.

If you talk to God, you are praying. If God talks to you, you have schizophrenia.

In the animal kingdom, the rule is, eat or be eaten; in the human kingdom, define or be defined.

In the United States today, there is a pervasive tendency to treat children as adults, and adults as children. The options of children are thus steadily expanded, while those of adults are progressively constricted. The result is unruly children and childish adults.

Involuntary mental hospitalization is like slavery. Refining the -standards for commitment is like prettifying the slave plantations. The problem is not how to improve commitment, but how to abolish it.

It is easier to do one's duty to others than to one's self. If you do your duty to others, you are considered reliable. If you do your duty to yourself, you are considered selfish.

Knowledge is gained by learning; trust by doubt; skill by practice; and love by love.

Men often treat others worse than they treat themselves, but they rarely treat anyone better. It is the height of folly to expect consideration and decency from a person who mistreats himself.

Narcissist: psychoanalytic term for the person who loves himself more than his analyst; considered to be the manifestation of a dire mental disease whose successful treatment depends on the patient learning to love the analyst more and himself less.

No further evidence is needed to show that 'mental illness' is not the name of a biological condition whose nature awaits to be elucidated, but is the name of a concept whose purpose is to obscure the obvious.

Humor!

Are You Looking for a Competent Therapist?

"...When I came to visit Barry I instantly felt comfortable, and trusted that he could help me to open up..." >

"Two years ago on Nov. 15 you met with my husband and me to help us quit smoking..." >

"I found Barry to be immediately understanding, consistently uplifting, and..." >

"I am a CU student in education and have struggled with ADD as long as I can remember. I have always..." >

"Barry has been extremely helpful to me in coping with chronic pain and attendant mood problems..." >

"I came to see Barry ten years ago to help me deal with issues related to my childhood sexual abuse..." > 

"I came to see Barry for help with deep anxiety regarding an upcoming surgery. I found the customized hypnosis CD that Barry produced to be enormously helpful..." >

"...I went to Barry on issues dealing with my son's bipolar illness. It was obvious immediately that we had come to the right therapist... " >

"Barry definitely helped my husband and I get on the right track in our communication and our marriage overall....">

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